Are you seeking contentment or excitement?
2018: I wonder why there has to be a decision between the two. Can I not be excited about my contentment? Contrarily wise, can I not be content with my excitement? Questions aside, I am perfectly happy being at a constant medium between the two. I’m happy going on a couple exciting vacations a year, adventuring on some exciting dates with crazy karaoke singing, and frolic on exciting dungeons and dragons capers with close friends twice a month. At the same time, I am also content to play fetch quietly at home with my cat, Mouse, and her toy mouse. I am content with being single and the peace that comes with it. I am also content with the fact that my son is my main focus for the time being. I am filled with contentment when I am at home, sitting on my couch, eating ice cream, and watching Netflix… or should that be in the excitement column?
Outside the weather is_______?
2018: This morning I woke up to the sun hidden away behind by a sky full of thick white winter clouds. The ground outside was receiving a light dusting of snow, while a sheer haze of ground hugging fog blanketed the cow pasture, outside my window. The weather continued as such until the afternoon, when mister sun wedged himself through the tight lid of clouds and shone his light briefly, before being covered up again for the rest of the day. It wasn’t until sunset when the winter sky became more than a pessimistic’s dream and the sun came back with its optimistic cherry bright red and orange colors reminding me that, it’s Colorado, tomorrow will be sunny.
Who do you want to be?
2018: I want to be someone my child can look up to. Someone he can be proud of. During this particular moment in my life, that is all that really matters to me.
2017: yo mama! jk I’m already who I want to be. I am me. I am discovering my happy and my path and that’s the way it should be.
What do you want to forget?
2018: It is important not to forget. Only by remembering painful experiences or misguided choices can we hope to learn; and become someone better than we were yesterday.
How do you describe home?
2018: This is a simple one. Home is wherever I am with my son. Where I never feel out of place and where I am always accepted for who I am. No exceptions.
2017: A place where I can feel comfortable in. A warm and inviting place.
2015: A place where you are accepted loved for who you are in your heart.
Which art movement best describes you today?
2018: Today, and most days, I feel like the Pop Art movement. Like the movement, I feel most comfortable when I’m challenging traditions of popular and mass culture. The more kitschy the better. I think my wardrobe was the cause that made me feel this way. A Wonder Woman shirt and jeans, but with a long over sized cardigan sweater and heeled “hiking” boots. I also threw in a large oversized bangle bracelet. On top of the sterile definition of Pop Art, I also see the style as independent and individualistic breaking out of the rules of social expectations. And that’s exactly how I like to see myself.
2017: Individualist. I know it with my mind. I feel it in my hands. I see it in my art.
[To clarify, during this time in 2017 I was taking art therapy wherein I was discovering which past experiences have led me to where I am today. By knowing our art, doing our art, and seeing our art it was the way we helped ourselves to break out of a negative routine we had become.]
What makes “you” you?
2018: That’s a complicated and ever changing question as I am a complicated and ever changing woman. I’m everything I was in 2017 (see below), however, my main focus these days is really finding out the bowels of who I am, and what makes “‘me” me. Rediscovering who I am is an exciting, but slow, process. Thus far I’ve re-discovered that I am creator, a positive Pollyanna, a helper outer, a happy gal, a friend, an introvert, an extrovert, a comedian, a detective, a dancer, a lost little girl at heart, an actor, a listener, a supporter. I am someone who can accomplish whatever the hell I decide to accomplish because I am just that awesome. But I am also someone who doesn’t reach too far for her goals because I’m just as scared and lazy. I hope to change that in 2018. I am hopeful.
2017: My inner unabashed goodness My photographic eye. My consistent feeling of youth. And my happy, happy, happy.
If you were going to start your own company, what would it be?
2018: I wouldn’t necessarily want to own my own company. I’d rather just be my own boss. Make what I want when I want. Let my creativity flow on my own time whether it’s my photography, knitting, writing, DIY projects, cooking, You Tube videos of skits with me and the slew of characters I’ve created, etc. I guess you could say my company would be myself. Tanya’s Badass Projects. Or something catchy like that. All the cool people would want in on that shit. 😎
2017: A photography and art store.*
*If you haven’t noticed, my previous answers were all very short. There wasn’t much room to actually write a long explanation in the journal, which is another reason I took on this blogging project.
Do you need a break? From what?
2018: I’ve spent the last two hours pondering this question. I’ve come up with a handful of nouns that I could write down, but the things I’d jot down aren’t items to take a “break” from. They are more of career and lifestyle choices. Changes that I plan on pursuing in 2018, but nothing that would lend itself to being a break.
I don’t need a break from my child. Being divorced from man-child’s Dad, I already get a break from my child due to the custody agreement. I would say that I could use a break from the Colorado cold, but who would I be kidding? It’s been a warm Winter thus far. I guess I don’t need a break. I’m pretty lucky with that aspect of my life at the moment.
2017*: I need a break from work, bills, living at my mom’s house and being a mom. Come on April vacation!
*(the end of 2016 and beginning of 2017 was tough for this gal)
2016: Yes. From people’s hate.
Are you seeking security or adventure?
2018: I am seeking both security, as well as, adventure. However, I am seeking neither from another and both from myself. I am at a point in my life where I feel that if one can not make life fun and live free spirited, then what’s the point? After all, you can’t take it with you when you’re gone. In order to have fun adventures, however, there also needs to be a little secure nest egg here and there. All my security eggs have fallen out of their nests, but there are some opportunities on the horizon that may refill them. That’s the financial security which is important to think about and have, but there’s also emotional security which is even more important. I am developing this exciting aspect of myself further within the coming years. I believe the most important kind of security is the security of self. Life is complicated and stressful enough, don’t make it more so be not being comfortable with who you truly are.
2017: The security of happiness of self
2016; Adventure and the security of love.