You know you are meant for more in this life than your current holding pattern; you’ve lost part of yourself in a different existence. You’ve lost IT. You weren’t close to finding out what “it” was before the loss, but you felt more put together. More you. Where did you go? Go find her.
Are you seeking contentment or excitement?
2018: I wonder why there has to be a decision between the two. Can I not be excited about my contentment? Contrarily wise, can I not be content with my excitement? Questions aside, I am perfectly happy being at a constant medium between the two. I’m happy going on a couple exciting vacations a year, adventuring on some exciting dates with crazy karaoke singing, and frolic on exciting dungeons and dragons capers with close friends twice a month. At the same time, I am also content to play fetch quietly at home with my cat, Mouse, and her toy mouse. I am content with being single and the peace that comes with it. I am also content with the fact that my son is my main focus for the time being. I am filled with contentment when I am at home, sitting on my couch, eating ice cream, and watching Netflix… or should that be in the excitement column?
Outside the weather is_______?
2018: This morning I woke up to the sun hidden away behind by a sky full of thick white winter clouds. The ground outside was receiving a light dusting of snow, while a sheer haze of ground hugging fog blanketed the cow pasture, outside my window. The weather continued as such until the afternoon, when mister sun wedged himself through the tight lid of clouds and shone his light briefly, before being covered up again for the rest of the day. It wasn’t until sunset when the winter sky became more than a pessimistic’s dream and the sun came back with its optimistic cherry bright red and orange colors reminding me that, it’s Colorado, tomorrow will be sunny.
On a scale of one to ten, how sad are you and why?
2018: I am not very sad at all. If I had to give it a number and relate it to a reason I would have to say one, because I am not as financially stable as I wish I was. For the most part I am a very happy person.
2017: I’d say I’m a 7. Mom fell and injured her ankles and I’m anxious to hear about getting my apartment.
Who do you want to be?
2018: I want to be someone my child can look up to. Someone he can be proud of. During this particular moment in my life, that is all that really matters to me.
2017: yo mama! jk I’m already who I want to be. I am me. I am discovering my happy and my path and that’s the way it should be.
What do you want to forget?
2018: It is important not to forget. Only by remembering painful experiences or misguided choices can we hope to learn; and become someone better than we were yesterday.
Not too imaginative tonight.
What was the last tv show you watched?
2017: Binged watched This Is Us with my mom.
How do you describe home?
2018: This is a simple one. Home is wherever I am with my son. Where I never feel out of place and where I am always accepted for who I am. No exceptions.
2017: A place where I can feel comfortable in. A warm and inviting place.
2015: A place where you are accepted loved for who you are in your heart.
Which art movement best describes you today?
2018: Today, and most days, I feel like the Pop Art movement. Like the movement, I feel most comfortable when I’m challenging traditions of popular and mass culture. The more kitschy the better. I think my wardrobe was the cause that made me feel this way. A Wonder Woman shirt and jeans, but with a long over sized cardigan sweater and heeled “hiking” boots. I also threw in a large oversized bangle bracelet. On top of the sterile definition of Pop Art, I also see the style as independent and individualistic breaking out of the rules of social expectations. And that’s exactly how I like to see myself.
2017: Individualist. I know it with my mind. I feel it in my hands. I see it in my art.
[To clarify, during this time in 2017 I was taking art therapy wherein I was discovering which past experiences have led me to where I am today. By knowing our art, doing our art, and seeing our art it was the way we helped ourselves to break out of a negative routine we had become.]
Today you needed more?
2018: Today I needed more time at work to complete some projects that I was hoping to get done before the weekend.